You get to decide who you want YOU to be

It’s been a while since I wrote a blog, guess I just didn’t know what I wanted my message to be. This past year has been a big one for me, essentially a new beginning. And with every new beginning there is an ending that coexists in the same moment. And it’s ALOT, a lot of uncertainty, moments of doubt, many moments of choas to navigate through. When I decided to sell our farm and move us to town, I knew it was not going to be easy. I was well aware that I was taking my boys from the only house they knew, taking them away from their dad, In their hearts they felt like they were leaving him. Even though he had been gone for years. So like I said it’s been ALOT... but I always trusted the storm would pass, and grateful that time has lead us to where we are today. Our home feels like home and we have created a new beautiful foundation.

I feel like over the last 3 years I have had many endings and new beginnings not just my physical location but mostly with myself. I think back to the Carla from three years ago, it honestly seems like a past life to me. I'm not here anymore, crazy i know but man I'm so happy I'm not!!! One pivotal moment for me was about 2 years ago when i did one meditation that stuck with me. It was a guided meditation on a journey to meet my future self. I saw her, I could FEEL her, she was full of wisdom, poise and eloquence. She radiated calm and peace and very much not having to take shit from anyone and was so unbothered by not having to take shit from anyone haha. That woman I saw has been has been my vision for myself, my compass to always come back to. But that being said at the time I was not her and in all honesty was nothing like her. I knew changes big and small had to happen along the way in doing so and has been a gradual process to today, a gradual unlearning, but has been the fuel keeping the fire going. And in my true Leo essence, been some big ass fires haha

There is a fear of our own shadow, like we don’t wanna know what’s there or even acknowledge it’s there. I know we all feel the heaviness within ourselves but have been so programmed to keep going, to keep living our lives in scarcity, to suppress our emotions, to feel unworthy. To keep on grinding thru life, and this unconscious conditioning wired throughout our DNA on surviving life. When we face our heavy ‘dark parts’ of ourselves and I say this whole heartedly, it is our biggest blessing. It has been mine, I have faced the dark within myself and I wear that badge with pride. My clients I see you, I hold space for you, I cry along with you, I have been on that table countless times in my own journey.

It has been an unlearning and coming home to myself wrapped with what felt like an internal shitshow with so many glimpses of light through out. But there is a moment when you get through the dark and you can actually FEEL it. My moment was last month, I went on a woman’s retreat in Mexico. One morning during a breath work session, I had the most beautiful experience. In this session I saw myself from 3 years ago, she was laying in mud and couldn’t get up TO eventually getting herself up but having this heavy backpack of ANGER trugging through life TO where I was in that moment in Mexico. The journey brought me to see where I was, I cried tears but they were different then the thousand I had cried before. They were tears of gratefulness and tears of realization how far id come. In that moment one of my sisters from the retreat came and laid with me and held me while I cried. So much love to this moment and my entire time in Mexico. In a burning ritual that trip I burnt ‘the backpack of anger’. It wasn't mine to carry anymore, in my experience it had been my biggest teacher, but the time had come to use the wisdom I’ve gained from it, but not carry the heaviness of it. It was a very much a shake your head Carla, look up and smell the flowers moment. I feel like I've been on this uphill battle ,that i never lifted my head to see where I've landed. The storm has finally passed. So when I say you get to decide who you want you to be, I truly mean this from experience!!! You can find the LIGHT and actually feel it.

Let me just tell you if I had made decisions of 'what i should do' or 'what is expected of me' I would not be where I am. You can kind of see what i mean with my anger serving its purpose haha. But honestly WOMEN we literally birth the world!!!! We are so fucking powerful but have been conditioned to not see it or look else where to find it… You have the power to heal yourself!!! There are soo many resources out there to help you with you journey. It is your invitation to learn about yourself so you can unlearn and understand the heaviness YOU feel! Holistic health and the work I do, This work matters and something that wasn’t offered to generations before us. I highly recommend inner work be added to your wellness routine, It’s the true feminine essence to feel light, to feel ease, to feel TRUE joy and POWER!! You just have to make the choice to find that light so you can actually feel it. Its those small steps and even after going off course, you get back on the path to the woman you want to feel and BE. Just know its in you, under the layers and thru the dark.

So much love,

Carla