Fear

January a month of new year new me, resolutions, goals and expectations to start the new year with a bang. For myself January has been anything but that, I started the new year completely exhausted, drained on ALL levels. I have just felt heavy and to be honest I felt like I lost my joy. I have been just playing catch up trying to pick up all the pieces to build myself up. And if I’m gonna be honest about it, I have been pissed off with how low I have felt, angry that I have been struggling. Back track to beginning of November I was feeling so good, was happy on all levels of my life. Dealing with what was being thrown at me and I felt ease in my life. So what the hell happened!?

I have a quote that I tell myself OFTEN. ‘The good things in life are never easy, if they were everyone would have them. And anything worth having is worth working for’. So I gave myself a hug and a kick in the ass and faced what I had been avoiding for a long time. Fear had consumed my life and I was aware of it. But it was the guilt and shame that comes with fear that depleted me. Christmas and leading up to it was a big trigger for me, I was very aware I was all alone. The holidays are a time of magic (and yes there was magic) but for me they brought on a loneliness. Grief of what I thought my life would be and fear that it’s always going to be just me with my boys. Is it always just gonna be me? Are the boys going to be ok? What am I doing wrong? Not one man has even attempted to talk to me, It’s me, I’m not approachable. No one wants to take on me and 3 boys…. And the rabbit hole just kept spiralling. Fear-guilt-shame

When I was on my high of feeling so great, In true Carla fashion I signed up for a couple more courses haha. With anything new there comes fear, and I don’t think you can avoid it. My new course is BIG and opened up a whole new layer to the ‘bigger picture’ it created a fear in me for the world as a whole. And mostly fear of me actually being able to this work for my clients.

I have been living a scarcity mindset, I went from such a high to a low. From being so hopeful and excited for my future to dreading and questioning it. Like I said this created anger and bitterness in me and I projected this on how I saw the world. I had a good long pity party for myself and had my focus on the BAD. And you know what when that is your focus it’s real easy to find. I’m not writing this blog for any sympathy. I'm writing it because I want to bring awareness to the HARD moments in our lives. We all have different fears for different things, there is no compare game or judging our fears. They are our own and they are there for good reason. But what if we can change our scarcity mindset and shift it into power, shift it into an opportunity for growth.

By me acknowledging these to myself, it gave me clarity and allowed me to feel them. After a good cry and grace for myself, I have this fuck this mentality I’m bringing my power back. My fears were valid and warranted 100%, but they were bringing zero value to my life. I know down the road I’ll look back at this time of my life and be so thankful I kept going, That I chose to rise above my own insecurities… I chose to find new opportunities for myself. I know that me and the boys will find our perfect fit for our family when the time is right and whatever guy that may be he is lucky to have us. I know that the work I’m doing makes a difference and I’ve seen the results from it within myself, my family and my clients.

So many people say to me, I wanna book a session with you but I’m scared. Not gonna lie this has annoyed me mostly I wished people didn’t fear me haha But then I think back on when I started my course and I get it cause I had fear of what I was finding out about myself, I was judging myself 100% for it all… guilt and shame. My teacher said to me one day…lets' always remember balance.....we are not attuning because we believe their is something 'wrong" with ourselves...but the opportunity to shift, let go of old paradigms that are no longer of service. How we chose to look at things changes EVERYTHING…Instead of being scared of what it could be… seeing it as an opportunity for more ease in your life. Opportunity to bring some hope back into your life.

TEACHERS- Think of how much fear teachers have been feeling for years. Fear for their students, fear of being able to do their jobs, fearful of the direction our schools are heading. Instead of the scarcity they have been feeling for years they are using their power to make the change they are sooo deserving of. Teachers are POWER and an inspiration for us all.

A year down the road are you going to be happy you faced your fears? Are you going to be proud of yourself? Are you going to feel a new power in yourself? Are you going to be happy you created new opportunities for yourself? Picture your future self and give them a high five right now and say I got ya!!! And they will respond ‘about time’ with a fist pump. Let your future self motivate you now!!! Whatever that may be for you, just go DO IT. You are the creator of what your life will be.

Much Love,

Carla